La Rosa Knows

With my Vegas road trip just 2 days away, I am officially accepting recommendations for the playlist that will carry my friends and I the 4+ hours it takes to get there.

To be clear, this isn’t amateur hour- I’ve already got the classic Vegas songs on deck (i.e. “Viva Las Vegas,” “Luck Be a Lady,” “Leaving Las Vegas” etc).

Seeking serious party/car ride jams only. What have you got for me?

MEN READING THIS: I only say these things to let you know what not to do. This is me, doing my part to better the species, or whatever. Plus? If you do this thing I’m about to describe, chances are you’re not gonna get laid. You’re welcome, that is all.

After some girl talk I had this weekend, I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s no bigger turnoff than when someone belittles an accomplishment you’ve made (work/personal/or otherwise) and makes you feel like you’re somehow less than they are.

A lot of my friends are going through this with guys they’re seeing, and I totally get it because I’ve been there too. You’ll be having what you think is a fun conversation and mention a highlight of the week, and the other person makes some offhand comment that leads you to believe what you’ve said is silly. It’s just shitty.

I’ll give you an example from my own experience.

I was dating this guy who was, admittedly, a shit. I happened to mention that my comedy troupe at the time had a video that landed on the front page of the Huffington Post. This was a huge deal for us. It was the first video we’d made, and all of a sudden we had thousands of hits and a ton of exposure. Yay! I was really proud of that. True, it wasn’t like our video was on TV (the industry he worked in), but it also wasn’t on some dinky website either. People actually know the name Huffington Post, okay? Wow, look at me, getting riled up just thinking about this. Grrrr.

Anyways, after I’d mentioned this small feat, he turned away and laughed (!!!), then mumbled, “Huffington Post, yeah you guys are huge now.”

……………………………………………………………………….

Excuse me? Excuse me? Wait, excuse me?

This seemed like a particularly cruel jab, seeing as he was much more successful than I was at the time, and he didn’t need to put me down. I’m not sure why he thought that was an okay thing to say, but the fact is that he did say it. And that comment told me everything I needed to know about who he was as a person.

If someone actively tries to make you feel insecure, it means that they’re deeply broken and need to make you feel as badly as them. When you can’t be happy for someone, especially for the small moments, then you’re either a) An extremely insecure person who assumes anyone else’s success could mean the end of your own, b) Miserable and jealous to the point that you have to disguise it as condescension, or c) A sociopath.

I think this guy was the latter, and things ended pretty quickly after that. This is one example in many, mind you, of people I’ve encountered who have completely lost my respect by making comments like these.

So, what should you do when confronted with one of these unbelievably awful sitches? Well, there’s one foolproof plan that will not only clue them into how idiotic they sound, but will make you look like the confident, successful person you are. Here it is:

Make sense?

This is the time on my blog when I get to rant about the things that have happened to me over the course of the week, and you all can tell me to either shut the fuck up, or commiserate and become my new favorite person. Here we go.

BITCH!

If I give you my phone to look at one photo, that does not make it okay for you to start scrolling through all of my pics.

You asked me to come get coffee and now all you’re doing is talking about how great your boyfriend is. This shit ain’t fun for me, k?

Mom, if you call me and I don’t pick up, that means I’m busy. Calling me over and over again and leaving multiple voicemails will not make me want to call yo ass back.

I had that parking spot first. Back off my balls, guy.

Don’t try and make “spontaneous” plans then get mad when I’m already busy. I’m very important (duh), you need to schedule in advance.

Blackberry, get your shit together.

My hair looks fantastic today and you know this, so don’t not compliment it.

Oh, I see, you can RT some random slut but you can’t bother to even favorite my very clever and witty tweet? Eff off.

xoxo

I know you’ve all been dying for my feedback (I hope?? God, say you’ve wanted it!!), and now I’m finally ready to speak up!

On Thursday around the stroke of midnight, I attended a screening at the Arclight in Hollywood. I went with a group of 20 somethings whom all dressed in some version of Hunger Games attire (myself included- see below). We had all read the books, become Hunger-Hards (is that a real term? Whatevs, it is now), and had something to drink at the bar before the movie started (Irish coffee if I do!).

We had assigned seats, which is the only way I’ll see a movie because I’m spoiled and have first world problems, and before the previews started Gary Ross, aka the director of The Hunger Games, came out to introduce the film, like a boss. His spiel was very short and sweet, but still- that was fun.

After we watched, everyone had something to say about what they liked and disliked. I’d like to share what I had to say, but I’m going to do it in bullet point form because I do better with lists than most things in life:

What I liked (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

• Jennifer Lawrence’s performance, which I thought was strong and understated enough that she was believable in the role of Katniss
• Peeta. Which I wasn’t expecting, if only because Josh Hutcherson seemed so unattractive in the previews (sorry, Team Peeta). But I thought he gave this really nice sweetness and vulnerability to the character, and I especially enjoyed simple things like him touching Katniss’ braid, and even that kinda weird part where he’s smearing blood on her head (that was oddly sexy, right? Just me?)
• The visualization of THE CAPITOL
• The fact that they cut out certain things (i.e. the Hybrids having the eyes of the lost tributes), and added new elements (i.e. moments with Snow)
• The lack of music in the film and all of the super quiet moments that resulted
• The end and how it lands on Snow walking away and you can almost hear him saying, “Imma fuck yo shit up bitch”

What I didn’t like

• I wanted more time with Peeta and Katniss in terms of building his love for her, and her resistance to him
• It would’ve been nice to have a slower build with Haymitch. As it was, it felt more like he did this sudden about face and became a great mentor overnight
• Avoxes were MIA, huh?
• We didn’t get to see Katniss really dehydrated or suffer immensely in the arena, and it felt like it cheapened the actual experience of how grueling it was in the book
• I kinda missed all of the emphasis on the food that was in the book (fatty)

Overall, though, I really loved the film.

I didn’t find it corny likeTwilight(sorry, Twi-Hards), and I think they were very smart about what was necessary for the film versus what was disposable. It felt incredibly creepy and dark, maybe even more so than the book. Because I saw the film at midnight and was delirious from a day of work and the Irish coffee I forced on myself, I’d like to see it again so I can fully appreciate that shit.

Plus, I think I have a crush on Peeta now? How did this happen?

If I die tomorrow and my parents go on my computer, they’ll see how many self portraits I took on Photo Booth and feel like they never really knew their self indulgent, ego-maniacal daughter at all.

My hair looks totes fierce though, right?

I should take a few more.

I saw this article on Gawker, and immediately started foaming at the mouth. Apparently, there’s a new novel coming to a Borders Barnes and Noble near us! It’s called…

“Fifty Shades of Grey” and the two other titles in the series were written by a British author named E L James, a former television executive who began the trilogy by posting fan fiction online. The books, which were released in the last year, center on the lives (and affection for whips, chains and handcuffs) of Christian Grey, a rich, handsome tycoon, and Anastasia Steele, an innocent college student, who enter into a dominant-submissive relationship.

Here’s an excerpt:

Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor. Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow… He reaches over to his bedside table and grabs a foil packet, and then he moves between my legs, spreading them further apart. He kneels up and pulls a condom on to his considerable length. Oh no…Will it? How?

Spoiler alert: it fits.

So…Remember a little show called Ugly Betty?

I do. And Twitter, for whatever reason, kept suggesting that I follow Chris Gorham. I knew who Chris was because, like any good fan, I had developed an overwhelming crush on his character (Henry) over the course of that show.

When Betty and Henry kissed? I wept. Wept openly and loudly so that my roommates heard and asked if I was okay. When Henry’s ex got knocked up- effectively ending his potential with Betty- I drank a big glass of wine and promptly tried to forget the episode entirely. This show affected me. I connected with it because, like Betty, I was an assistant in publishing in New York and had never been to great with the men folk.

But Ugly Bettyis over, sadly. And I had all but forgotten about Henry until Twitter kept insisting I follow him.

I thought, “What the hell, let’s go ahead and @Chris_Gorham in the tweet! He’ll never read it!”

Boy, oh boy, I was wrong! Was I ever…

Wanna know what happens when you tweet @ a celeb? See below friends. Read it and WEEP.

Know what that means? Momma is gonna be on a strict diet of apples, cigarettes, and Adele songs to prepare my body for bikinis, poolside drinks, and staying out late as fuck this summer.

I’ve already got plans, k? Vegas, check. Palm Springs, double check.

As such, I’ve started fantasizing about my dream bikinis. I went to the mall yesterday and tried some things on (I know it’s only March, but… I AM FOR REAL ABOUT THIS). Unfortunately, I didn’t find anything I lurved. But that’s OKAY…

The thing is, every year I go to a fancy bathing suit store like Everything But Water, where a top is $100, and the bottom is another hundy, and the dressing rooms have disposable panty liners… Whatever, it’s FANCY. Nonetheless, every year I go to these stores and find zip. That is, until I hit up a little mom and pop place called ‘Target.’

I’ve already started browsing online, have found some possible babies to adopt and bring home to live on my body, and plan to sleuth them out at my neighborhood store this coming weekend. Here are the top choices, lemme know whacha think?

Pink/Floral Print

Slate Bikini

Ruffled 2-Piece in the color Lipstick

Black Bikini

Multicolor Print

I was Tumbling and saw this poster for Melancholia on a blog. It’s a really simple quote, but the image and the words touched some deep little sea urchin inside and got me thinking…

I’ve been going through this time in my life where I’ve decided not to care so much or, rather, not constantly worry about what I’m doing every minute of every day. For the last couple of years, I built up a lot of rules to live by. Rules regarding men, my job, my friends, where I was living, what I would wear, how I would act, what was appropriate, etc.

I think a lot of people do this. It seems like, if you want something, you have to create the skipping stones to get there. And the natural thing to do is clearly mark those stones so you don’t trip and break your ass. I think this might be more commonly known as the ’Quarterlife Crisis’?

For me, that whole follow the rules things ended recently because I went through a lot of life changes. I had to deal with situations and realities that I couldn’t control, and the only thing I could think to do was spend time processing those, and then move the fuck on.

I decided that my new way forward would be this: Have more fun.

It might sound silly, but for the past couple of years there has been a lot less fun, and a lot more rules. Not that all rules are bad - they aren’t. Case in point: I like to follow laws of traffic, and still actively try to remain a mannered young lady. But when you have too many rules, rules that stop you from taking risks, that’s when it becomes a problem.

So, if I stop worrying about all of the rules, I can just focus on having fun. I tried to put this plan into motion pretty immediately and bought a ticket to New York. While there, I made a point to just not give a shit. I drank and stayed out till 5 a.m. every night, ate whatever I wanted, shopped, saw old friends, and danced as much as physically possible because, for me, dancing makes me insanely happy.

Since being back in Los Angeles, that mantra of ‘Have more fun’ has stuck. It feels good. Better than good, actually, and for the first time in a really long time it seems like I’m experiencing things differently. Really appreciating everything I’m doing, or something. I’m not trying to sound like some zenned out preacher, but I feel happier with myself. I guess because I’m starting this new chapter in my life and I just know that it’s going to be BRILLIANT.

And that’s the whole thing, that’s why I’m ranting - because I want to enjoy this while it lasts. I’m hoping this feeling will keep on going, but who knows - shit happens. Enjoy it while it lasts. Those are smart words.

Has anyone else gone through something like this and, if so, can we talk it out and go have some fun together?

Shit is about to get real in this post, so get ready!

I’d like to take wish a very happy birthday to one of my best friends, Ashley!!!

Right now she’s in Boston, likely enjoying something fun without me, and I can’t help but feel sad that I’m not there with her! One of the many things I love about Ashley is how she handles birthdays.

For starters, whenever I’ve had a birthday, Ashley has always made a point to make me celebrate it. Sometimes, shock of shocks, I can be quite a curmudgeon. But when we were in the same city, Ashley always threw me a surprise party, or baked a cake, or made me have fun, because she’s just a really great friend/person/lady. So, on her own birthdays, Ashley is nothing less than fun. She’s a great person to drink with, and eat with… Like, this one time, when we went to XIV in Los Angeles and ordered the tasting menu only to discover that it’s way too much food for two tiny people, but we ate it all anyways because we paid for it, and then after the meal we had to go home and just lie on our couches quietly.

She’s also one of the funniest people I know. Not in that obnoxious way where she’s clearly putting on a show, she just naturally is smart and witty, which all lends itself to being hilarious.

Probably one of my favorite times of life was when I lived in the North End of Boston with Ash, and it was both of our first times not being in the dorms. We kept each other sane, cooked for each other and, more often than not, liked to convince our 3rd roommate (who was over 21) to buy us alcohol (Thank you, Kim! Wherever you are!).

So, to conclude this love letter, I’d just like to point out that Ashley’s birthday had the good fortune of landing on a Friday. WORD. I hope you live the SHIT out of tonight girl. I also hope you drunk text me.

Love, La Roo xoxoxo