La Rosa Knows
Month
When my parents told me that George, our morbidly obese bearded dragon, was feeling “festive,” I was a little skeptical.
That is, until I saw this: George proudly perched in the very home he’d decorated with glittery balls and lifeless polar bears for Christmas. ‘Tis the season, after all!
He almost had me fooled. But what I didn’t realize was that George’s 2012 holiday naughtiness was just beginning…
Like trying to convince Santa to bring him on as the official 10th reindeer. (Rudolph’s a total bozo at this point, anyway.)
Or attempting to hide underneath the tree until Christmas morning to scare the willies out of us all…
When George knows full well that his hockey puck-like girth gives him away every time.
It was then that George realized something very important. The holidays aren’t about who buys the biggest gift or donning the shiniest bow. It’s not about the material things or higher status he’d been focusing all that time on.
Nay, you see, what George realized was this: Winning on Christmas isn’t about scaring people, or being BFFs with Santa. It’s about coming home for the holidays and maintaining your status as the biggest, baddest reptile in the joint. And so, he decided to forego the glitz and glam in favor of the most pure form of badass imaginable: au naturale.
With that epiphany, away from the presents George flew! But I heard him exclaim as he drew out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good bearded dragon night!”
The end. (?)
Perhaps this is a post I should have made at Thanksgiving—when you talk about things you’re thankful for—but I had an experience that made me realize something.
My parents threw their annual Christmas party and I invited a few of my close friends from high school. I don’t stay in touch with a ton of people, but those I do keep up with I make sure to keep close. My friend Janelle recently married a wonderful guy named Anthony, and I’ve known him for several years and was a bridesmaid in their wedding. We were all catching up when Anthony mentioned that he’d read a Funny or Die article I’d written and shared it on Twitter. He also discussed a section he found funny and made sure to ask me about it.
I don’t know if this is the case for many other writers, but moments like this rarely happen to me. I’ve written for a number of websites, but rarely do people take the time to tell me that they’ve read something of mine, let alone shared it with others. It’s rare, and it actually means a lot to me.
As a writer—and not the type who writes one book a year, but the online type who puts out material on a daily basis—it’s not always easy to find fans. I use the term “fans” loosely, as what I actually mean is that finding people who will read your pieces and not only appreciate them, but share them on Facebook or Twitter is difficult.
Many of my friends have been very good about sharing articles on Facebook or Twitter without me asking and for that I am extremely thankful. I don’t express it enough, but it really does mean the world to me. Believe me, there are people I’m very close to who I wish shared my pieces, but they don’t. Sigh.
I’d just like to say, for every one of my friends or readers who have consistently clicked on links, given me a “Like” on Facebook or shared something I’ve written—thank you so much. I notice each and every one of those times and I can’t express how thankful I am. Even though it’s just a read of an article, for me it’s how I spend my time and it means so much to me.
If you’ve shared, liked an article, or talked to me about my pieces, I’m really thankful, from the bottom of my writer heart!!
xoxo
I should know, I was on it. Buh duh bump! Annnnnd I met my boyfriend through it. Cha cha ching!
But, in all seriousness, online dating be crayyy-zay.
No one knows this better than my friend, who shall remain nameless—per her request. Yet, for my own amusement, has been sending me updates as she navigates the world of Internet weirdos.
These are some of those weirdos.
1. Man whose photos suggest he might be Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs
2. Guy who wants to sound pretentious and smart
3. Gentleman who needs to be schooled on hair maintenance
4. Dude who actually said this: “First thing people notice about me: My presence” and then used the below photo. He’s not wrong.
5. Freaky fetish guy having a moment on a trunk
6. The Zombie who loves JESUS
Happy dating, folks!
Every year we get nostalgic for the Christmas we see in movies and not the holiday that actually exists. Here are some of those wintry expectations versus the reality we all come to realize.
