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12 posts tagged humor
NEW VIDEO: “HOW TO: Be Besties With Beyoncé“ - As always, I’ll be checking out people who reblog this - I need some new people to follow… :]
This is a very important informational video. Take notes.
(via tyleroakley)
A Christmas haiku written by Chris and me.
Is this cat also you?
Chris: I’m watching this music video at the same time I have Ke$ha playing in the background
me: lololol
Chris: It’s gloriousomg this video is incrediblewhy was life soooo cheesy back then?me: I feel like O missed it!
Chris: They’re wearing like over sized sweaters/performance fleeceme: and I think plasticand, like, those cargo pants that unzip and become shortsChris: I just saw a Nautica logo
me: I’ve counted no less than 1 million polyester braids on Chris Kirkpatrick
Chris: “god sends you his love”is a legit lyric in thisbahahahlance bassjustin timberlake with a black baby
me: Circa 1998
Chris: hahahOK now if you’ll excuse me, I see a link to Taylor Swift’s new video on this youtube page.gimme 10 minutes and a cigarette break. brb
Christmas Traditions: Expectations vs. Reality
Every year we get nostalgic for the Christmas we see in movies and not the holiday that actually exists. Here are some of those wintry expectations versus the reality we all come to realize.
5 Stages of Running Into Someone From High School
The thing about holidays is this: You will run into someone you don’t want to see.
Because whether you’re home for Christmas or…whatever, you’re home. As in, back in the place where you grew up and went to high school.
Here’s a step-by-step guide of what will happen when that moment comes:
1. The Initial Shock
This is the moment when you first notice the other person across the room and instantly regress to the fat fuck you were in high school. It’s okay, you can get through this!!!
2. Realization That You’ve Won
Oh, shit, actually, upon further inspection, they are now the fat fuck and you have aged into your own hotness.
This feels good. Really good. So good that you might start maniacally laughing and thus have to scrunch your mouth tightly together so people won’t think you’re some hot, crazy bitch.
3. Forced Pleasantries
The problem with staring at someone is that, eventually, they’ll feel the coals of your judging hot eyes burning into them like a poker. When this happens you’ll be forced to actually make contact, turn your grimace into a scary smile and avoid talking about the fact that you hated them in high school. And vice versa.
4. Run Like Hell
The faster you leave, the better. Run hard and for as long as physically possible. The last thing you want is to stay too long and get sucked into a vortex where they continue to drink and do something horrifying, like suggest you two hang out again.
5. Go Big or Go Home
You managed to survive a high school hit and run and lived to tell the tale. Get your ass to the store, buy a studded jacket and some cotton candy, because you deserve to celebrate!
As a side note: If I ran into you this Thanksgiving and we went to high school together, don’t worry, this isn’t about you. It’s about that other person I saw at a bar. That time. At that place. In that thing that never happened.
Behold, Liam Neeson at a press conference for Taken 2 (!).
I want this blown up into a life-size version and hung outside my door to keep away sex traffickers.
Keep on keepin’ on, baby bunnies!
Cooters.
A real Clearwater Beach establishment that I patronized. You’re welcome.
“Advice From a Girl: How to Scare Off a Girl”
Take my advice, fellas.