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My ‘Magic Mike’ Review

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This weekend I went to see the majesty that is Magic Mike.

This is a film that takes place not far from my hometown of Clearwater, Florida in a little big city called Tampa.

For those who haven’t seen the shirtless billboards or the impressive red band trailer, this movie is about a male stripper with a heart of gold, kinda, and all of the disappointments and drama that exist when you make your living by shaking your naughty bits for dollars.

Finding love is one of the dilemmas that the protagonist, Magic Mike (aka Channing Tatum), has trouble with. As you can imagine, putting a dollar down a stripper’s Velcro thong is one thing, but going to dinner with them after a show while they’re still greased up and wearing body glitter is quite another.

That being said, here are my thoughts on this coup d'cinema, in bullet point format:

What I Liked:

-The choreographed dances were sensational, not just because they were filled with wild and half-dressed gesticulations, but because it actually incorporated some solid dance skills.

-Matthew McConaughey playing Matthew McConaughey was a smart move and one that I will always support.

-The attention to detail when it came to Florida-isms (i.e. putting tape over the windows during a hurricane, the slutty chicks waiting in line for Amphitheater, etc.).

-Channing Tatum’s acting was pretty good, considering this film is based on his life story and you’d think he may be too personally attached to the material. Or whatever.

-There are a lot of humorous and funny tongue-in-cheek moments that I appreciated. The film is aware of how silly a lot of this seems and made use of that. Brava.

What I Disliked:

-The worst part of Magic Mike is when they’re talking. I joke, kind of. But one of my friends said after the movie ended, “There was way too much story.” Agreed, but only because the fun parts took place when there was dancing involved.

-Olivia Munn: I can’t get on board with liking this chick. I just can’t, I’m sorry, Munners.

-The ending felt rather abrupt, right? Not that we needed MORE story, but it needed one other beat.

-Some things seemed a little unnecessary, like the hot girl who had the pet pig (though, I want that little pig).

-Why isn’t Rihanna’s “We Found Love” actually in the movie, like it is in the trailer?

Otherwise I thought it was an all around fun and frisky night of entertainment. Would you agree?

Did I Mention I’m On Vacation?

The thing about vacation and me is this: I will be drinking most of the time (SEE above photo).

On this edition of escape from Los Angeles, I headed East to New York where I spent the long weekend with my best friend, Elisa. There was plenty of eating (Crispo, Joe Doe, Lenny’s, etc.), drinking (The Standard, Brass Monkey, The Darkroom, etc.), and swing dancing (oddly enough at Hogs & Heifers, the ORIGINAL Coyote Ugly) to be had.

I saw a lot of my East coast friends – word to you @traneater and @NICKFYHRIE) – which is always fun. And slept on the couch of Elisa’s midtown apartment where we shared many precious moments in which we gazed longingly into each others eyes as I proposed marriage (which, I often do while drinking whiskey).

In a lot of ways NYC was just what I needed; a fun break where I didn’t have to worry ABOUT ANYTHING. And trust, I didn’t.

It’s not just NYC I’m visiting, however, as I am now in Florida with my parents and the cats… Which, obviously, is only the best of times.

Pray that I don’t bite this cat. A love bite, of course.

JAIL PAPER for $1

Florida, you’ve really outdone yourself this time.

While stopped at a gas station, filling up my mom’s minivan, I decided to venture inside to see what life had to offer me. I thought all was going well when I found a lovely bottle of Sprite, that is, until I saw THIS:

A newspaper quite rightly titled, “JAIL PAPER.” It was, as advertised, $1, and contained no less than 28 pages of photos of recent convicts. The paper is Bi-Weekly and promises to be “Bigger” “Better” and “Badder” than other periodicals.

The crimes shown ranged from “Petit Theft” (i.e. stealing a beer from a liquor store), to “Exposure of Sexual Organs,” to “Lewd or Lascivious Battery.”

WHAT FUN!

But the real excitement came when I stumbled upon the “Special Sections” of the paper, which differed from your run of the mill mugshot/conviction combo. What I found were some real items you’d find in, say, the New York Times, but appropriated for JAIL PAPER.

i.e. “Ask Dan” a column a la “Dear Abby” where Dan answers his readers burning questions. For this edition, Dan was asked by “Ann” what to do about the fact that she was married, and had been contacting an old flame. Here’s what Dan had to say:

Then there was the “CRAZY FACTS” section, which listed such mind blowing items as “All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.” and “Almonds are members of the peach family.”

And, my personal favorite, the “Jokes From Readers” section found on Page 21. Where, there is a rather crude joke that ends with the punchline, “Nice boobs.”

Sorry if I spoiled that joke for anyone.

I really, really want to meet the editor of this paper and suggest he branch out to the mean streets of Los Angeles.

I would read that edition of JAIL PAPER. Just saying.