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OK Cupid Has Crazy Ass People

I should know, I was on it. Buh duh bump! Annnnnd I met my boyfriend through it. Cha cha ching!

But, in all seriousness, online dating be crayyy-zay.

No one knows this better than my friend, who shall remain nameless—per her request. Yet, for my own amusement, has been sending me updates as she navigates the world of Internet weirdos.

These are some of those weirdos.

1. Man whose photos suggest he might be Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs

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2. Guy who wants to sound pretentious and smart

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  • This is a direct quote: “Most private thing willing to admit: Every time I fly, I stare out the window and look at what we have created and accomplished”

3. Gentleman who needs to be schooled on hair maintenance

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4. Dude who actually said this: “First thing people notice about me: My presence” and then used the below photo. He’s not wrong.

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5. Freaky fetish guy having a moment on a trunk

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  • “Most private thing I’m willing to admit: I dream of dating a woman with a wild or androgynous haircut. The rude girl haircut, dreadlocks, a single side buzzed while the top and opposite side are long and sleek. Homer is to donuts as I am to freaky hair!”

6. The Zombie who loves JESUS

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  • His message to my friend: “I’d like to talk to you about Jesus. I don’t really want to talk to you about Jesus. I just imagine pretty girls like you who get swamped with messages need a good opening line to get your attention. You’ve read this far. Might as well read my profile and see how much we have in common.”

Happy dating, folks!