Natalie Portman, Please Stop.
Natalie Portman is all over the fucking place.
She has a well placed mole on her face, is famous, pregnant, and marrying some random male dancer with dark hair and skin and they will likely have a baby that will blind us all with its magical face.
I don't hate her, even though I can imagine ways in which something like that could be accomplished...
She is beautiful in an exotic way, went to Harvard, and she's little in size and height which makes me feel like we might be able to share clothes. Even though she's an actress and famous, it took me a few minutes to tally up some films she has been in, and that made me feel good because she hasn't completely infiltrated my pop culture soaked brain and that's special to me.
However, I've been going to the movies lately and watching TV without my DVR, and it has come to my attention that this upcoming year abounds with films involving Portman.
I saw Black Swan, which means I've got my Israeli-hot fix for at least a good two years. So, it upsets me to no end that I've seen commercials for the following:
The Other Woman, a film in which she plays... the other woman (?).
No Strings Attached, that movie that will bomb because Ashton Kutcher is in it.
And finally, Your Highness, which upsets me most because it's a comedy and she has no business dabbling her dramatic little nose in the thing that I appreciate most in life.
The problem I see is the Julia Roberts phenomenon. In which someone who once was America's movie darling, soon became a woman people were tired of seeing because she chose to do films in rapid fire succession and with seemingly no discernment going into the decision making process.
Fond memories from Pretty Woman and Erin Brokovitch were soon replaced with such disasters as Mona Lisa Smile and America's Sweethearts.
Now, I don't want this to happen to Portman, but it seems inevitable.
My favorite film I have ever seen her in was Paris, Je T'Aime, which Netflix recommended to me. She had a bit part in a film that felt more like a series of short stories than anything else, but she was great. She played a girl in Paris who is involved in a romantic relationship with a blind man, and it was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. I cried in my tiny NYC apartment and thought that if I was ever an actress that was a part I would have wanted.
But, a movie with Ashton Kutcher? A stoner film? Come on lady, you're killing me! Stop ruining your career before I stop buying tickets to your movies.
God damnit.
Brad Pitt Has A Type (Me).
Okay, so I just watched the trailer for Brad Pitt's new movie The Tree of Life... has anyone else noticed that the dude keeps getting paired with redheads?
And by "keeps getting" I of course mean this Tree movie and Benjamin Button, when Cate Blanchett had that rather flattering dye job.
I guess what I'm getting at is he looks beautiful and natural next to redheads or "my people," as I've taken to calling them. And if I had to take a stab in the dark I might even go so far as to say that I'll likely be his love interest in the next movie he makes.
Listen, this isn't hard to figure out folks. I'm not saying I have scientific evidence to back this theory up, but just watch the trailer below and I guarantee you'll see where I'm coming from here.
No Spoilers Here, I Promise.
I saw Black Swan last night.
A friend told me, "You'll love it, it was really dark and super weird."
Okay, yeah, I liked it mostly. But I laughed during parts I don't think I was meant to LOL at (like, when the word "WHORE" appears on the mirror in red lipstick? And pretty much anytime Winona Ryder was on screen?).
Natalie Portman is totally believable as a vulnerable dancer and she's as thin as a spaghetti noodle. She masturbates super weird and it made me uncomfortable to see how much she looks like the aging Barbara Hershey.
Parts of it I had to close my eyes during (the hospital scene) while others I couldn't stop watching (the final Swan Lake dance scene).
When I told my dad I was going to see this movie he replied, "It's very sexual." And my mom said, "What? How do you know that?" And he said, "She was interviewed on NPR," (an interview I had heard as well) "she said she was nervous for her parents to see it because of the sex scenes."
The sex scenes were intense but not gratuitous and not completely uncomfortable. There is a lesbian scene between Mila Kunis and Portman that has gotten much attention, but personally I've seen worse in terms of nudity. I would say to go see this but be careful who you see it with. I would have strangled myself with a Twizzler had I seen this with my mom, for example.
After the movie my friend and I just kept repeating, "It was perfect! I was perfect!" to each other, which was a fun side bonus.
Has anyone else seen this yet? What do y'all think?
I dunno, ever since I watched Daniel Radcliffe on an episode of Extras, I just have a limitless appreciation for him outside of his Harry Potter persona.
Keep on rockin, dude. <3
Harry Potter 7. It’s On.
The thing is...
If I don't see Harry Potter 7 soon...
Then I'll end up...
Seeing it later, like through Netflix or on HBO or something.
Okay, so I'm actually pretty upset about this.
Lindsay Lohan was all set to star in this film, Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story, about porn actress Linda Lovelace. My friend sent me the script, and it was filthy and crude and had all of the things that I so cherish about exploitation films.
But now, because Lilo is too legit of a party girl to quit, she has been kicked off the film and replaced by Malin Akerman.
I know you're probably thinking what I thought, "Who? And What? And Where was I?"
Well, she was in Watchmen, or something. And even though that comic book was fantastic, no one saw the movie, so you probably still don't know who she is.
I am inconsolable today.
PS- For those of you who are curious, like me, here's an excerpt of the script. <3
I admit that I have seen some movies that Ryan Reynolds has been in. I know this because I have vague memories of catching repeats of Van Wilder on Comedy Central, and tuning in for three minute increments before changing the channel. I never gave the guy much thought until I saw this magazine cover.
The thing is, that Ryan Reynolds shirtless gives me heart palpitations. I want to swing like Tarzan from his chest and abs, covered in so much hair, and feel the wind on my face while he speaks to me in Italian (in my fantasy of these events he is Italian, I have no reason for this other than I imagine it would sound delicious). In my fantasy I also dream of Ryan Reynolds wearing glasses, which I imagine would make him look like some PhD student that I could discuss Vladimir Nabokov novels with. This excites me.
I know he's married, or whatever, but he still has that chest and those arms, so I lust. Which is why, when I saw the new Green Lantern trailer came out I was eager to watch.
What I now know is that there is only a very brief shirtless shot of Ryan, which concerns me, and his love interest is that burnt piece of toast, Blake Lively, whom I loathe. I dunno, maybe I'm overreacting here, but if there's going to be a movie starring Ryan, I think he should be contractually obligated to remove his shirt for the duration, no?