On How To Be A Gentleman.
Okay, so Tom Ford has this new etiquette book out called Five Easy Lessons On How To Be A Gentleman.
I am a lady and therefore some of these don't apply to me, but I agree with most of what Ford is saying (perhaps because I am projecting my Twilight-esque fantasy of what men should be?).
Anyway, Buzzfeed did a roundup of some of the better quotes from the book and presented them with photos of pugs! Enjoy my favorite.
On How I Frighten My Students Into Submission.
I have this theory about teaching, and that is that in order to maintain a certain level of obedience, my students must be terrified of me for at least the first month.
Tomorrow I start teaching again, and that means a whole crop of fresh faced 18-year-olds will stumble into my classroom with their bookbags and college sweatshirts and excitedly look to me for guidance.
This is where the mean mommy in me kicks in.
On a typical first day, I will wear all black or at the very least, dark intimidating colors. This is necessary, I believe, to thwart any confusing feelings they may have about my 1) Age and 2) Gender. You see, I am a young woman, not much older than they are, and the problem is that I tend to look younger.
At the gym this weekend, a trainer stopped me to ask how my semester was going. I explained it hadn't started yet, and he commented, "You don't look any older than 13, I mean, how can you be a teacher?"
Now, granted, this particular male may have very well been trying to woo me by suggesting I look pre-pubescent, which is creepy in itself, but comments of this nature are not uncommon.
That being said, I have to be careful of how I present myself to these students, because if I am too nice and too innocent then they will turn and try to eat me alive.
I have found that terrifying them off the bat is best, that way as the semester progresses and my heart starts to melt, they feel as if they have somehow earned this warm and kind teacher and are grateful to be rid of the evil version of me.
And if they act up, I can always once again don my black garbs and glasses and schedule an impromptu assignment. It's that simple.
Did I mention I learned everything I know from a little book called Miss Nelson is Missing?
So, my gameplan is as follows:
-For what I will wear: Navy blue pleated skirt that goes down past the knees, a dark sweater and undershirt, black kitten heels, glasses, hair in a bun.
-For how I will behave: I will start the class off by letting my students file in, and sit in dead silence at my desk until they are all present. Then, I will take attendance, pass out my syllabus, and present them with an impromptu in-class essay to crush their spirits. Hooray!
After 45 minutes of silent writing, I will ask them to turn in their papers, and then reveal what their homework for the next class is; thus giving the impression that they are entering into a dimly lit tunnel of endless assignments.
-For ending the class: I will ask if there are any questions and, when everyone shakes their heads 'no' out of fear, I will turn on my heel and say "Class Dismissed."
I believe this will all work out well, particularly for me.