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2 posts tagged tips
The Bridesmaid Diaries
Last weekend I experienced the joys of being a bridesmaid.
My friend Janelle got married and, as such, I joined three other lovely ladies for the honor of wearing matching gowns and walking down an aisle…with a complete stranger.
Let me preface this by saying that I love weddings. I love being a bridesmaid. My friend looked FANTASTIC and I wept during the exchanging of the vows. It was a really fabulous event.
That being said, I’ve learned some things from this latest adventure. Life lessons that I hope future bridesmaids can improve from.
THESE are those lessons:
- Booze, Booze and More Booze
Behold, the bride and her matron of honor: They’ve got a Bloody Mary in one hand and champagne in the other—all smiles!
- Make Things Pretty
Want to know how to tame a “Bridezilla”? Make the bride feel beautiful at every possible moment.
For example, I arranged a lovely meat and cheese platter next to the makeup station. The Maid of Honor zoned the pictured table as a “pretty things only” space, (hence the garter, shoes, and bling). In this way, whenever the bride’s eyes tinge red and smoke billows from her ears, all you have to do is remind her of the truffle hors d'oeuvres on the adjacent table.
- Play Dumb
THIS is a final and critical lesson. If something bad or not so great is happening, pretend like nothing is wrong.
For example, the photographers missing? That’s weird. Not like he called you to say he was stuck in traffic and couldn’t really read the directions he’d written down earlier. No, that never happened, and you’re 100% sure he’ll be there any moment so the bride can have millions of beautiful memories to reminisce over in her old age. Nothing is at all wrong.
Did I leave anything out?
How to Survive the Dreaded 6 am Flight
Friends, Romans, LAX-bound men, lend me your ears!
Let me tell you a funny story about a girl—for our purposes here we’ll name her “I” and divulge this tale using the first person narrative.
Now, for some wacky reason, I decided to book a morning flight for my trip back to Florida to be a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding. At the time, 6:30 a.m. seemed like a fairly reasonable hour to arrive at the airport, and even an ambitious task that I might take great pride upon achieving.
But, what I had regrettably forgotten is that sleep is necessary for survival. Silly, witless, I.
After a 3:30 a.m. wake-up call, harried shuffle into a waiting shuttle bus, and a large cup of coffee that had absolutely no effect on me, I’ve learned some very important rules to live by:
- Don’t book morning flights.
- If you accidentally break Rule 1, then do yourself a favor and pack snacks for the car ride. Your lack of hanger (hunger+anger) will thank me.
- Whatever you typically order coffee wise? Double it.
- Make sure you don’t have to speak to anyone on the flight, because if anyone so much as throws you a sideways glance that early in the morning, you will burn that place to the ground.
- With Rule 4 in mind, plug in your iPod, put on a sleep mask, and wrap a plastic bag loosely around your head. People will be freaked out just enough to leave you the eff alone.
- Mainly just follow Rule 1.