10 posts tagged animal
Babies are dicks
Babies: the original jerks.
This is spectacular: A hedgehog parody of “Wrecking Ball.”
So ready for Halloween already.
God I miss Florida. <3
What a bunny bitch.
That is, until I saw this: George proudly perched in the very home he’d decorated with glittery balls and lifeless polar bears for Christmas. ‘Tis the season, after all!
He almost had me fooled. But what I didn’t realize was that George’s 2012 holiday naughtiness was just beginning…
Like trying to convince Santa to bring him on as the official 10th reindeer. (Rudolph’s a total bozo at this point, anyway.)
Or attempting to hide underneath the tree until Christmas morning to scare the willies out of us all…
When George knows full well that his hockey puck-like girth gives him away every time.
It was then that George realized something very important. The holidays aren’t about who buys the biggest gift or donning the shiniest bow. It’s not about the material things or higher status he’d been focusing all that time on.
Nay, you see, what George realized was this: Winning on Christmas isn’t about scaring people, or being BFFs with Santa. It’s about coming home for the holidays and maintaining your status as the biggest, baddest reptile in the joint. And so, he decided to forego the glitz and glam in favor of the most pure form of badass imaginable: au naturale.
With that epiphany, away from the presents George flew! But I heard him exclaim as he drew out of sight, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good bearded dragon night!”
The end. (?)
Some of you have already met George La Rosa, our family’s morbidly obese bearded dragon, but, for those who haven’t, allow me to introduce him.
This lizard came into our lives when my brother adopted him as a pet in college a few years back. In those days, he was actually quite little and enjoyed perching on Robert’s shoulder, like a parrot with scales.
Now he lives with my Mom and Dad and under their care has become, well…fat. There’s just no nice way to say that. They were alerted to George’s weight being an issue earlier this year when they took him to the vet and discovered that a) George is morbidly obese and b) George is not a he, but rather a she.
Since then, Georgina has been on a much stricter diet, (down from 5 worms a day to just 5 a week) and gets plenty of fresh veggies. Additionally, an exercise regimen of walks in the grass coupled with some lizard-style swimming in a shallow bath have been introduced.
Admittedly, the progress has been slow. At times it even seems like Georgina hasn’t lost any of the weight she put on. But, just when I’m starting to lose faith, I’ll watch as she lifts her body and runs across our living room floor at full speed, charging at some unknown enemy. (Maybe obesity?)
It’s something I definitely didn’t see her do a month ago and the fact that she’s gained back that agility means that something is going right.
If you have any words of inspiration for George, or tips, then share them, won’t you?
In what is perhaps the cutest thing you’ll see today, the official pug alphabet.