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My Fantasy Life Involves Flipping A Table

This might sound a little strange, but I’ve always wanted to flip a table.

Hear me out: I think it would feel really satisfying. Like, in my fantasy world, I get to flip the table in response to something terrible. For example, say I’m out with a girlfriend and she tells me that she’s back with the loser boyfriend we’ve spent the past three months getting her away from.

Instead of politely nodding and taking a massive gulp of wine, I’d like to just place my hands under the table and push upward with all of my might. It would absolutely get the point across. It would effectively say, “we’re done here,” without having to say a word. I dunno, it sounds kind of amazing to me.  

Full disclosure: I’ve had this fantasy of table flipping for a couple of years now. (Clearly the dreaming of a very stable and emotionally mature person.)  In fact, sometimes I mimic flipping a table while out at dinner with friends, because even that gives me a sense of, “Ahhhh, yes, that’s the stuff.” Most recently I discussed my desire to flip a table while on a trip to Portugal with my boyfriend, and he even mused about arranging such an endeavor for my birthday. (The desire to flip was in no way related to the fun we were having.)

But I can’t be alone in this need, right? I mean, imagine being in a crowded place, people all around you, and you can just lift the table and flip it over, spilling everything onto the floor and forcing the fellow patrons into a state of dismay. Wouldn’t that be…fun? Wouldn’t it give you a rush? Wouldn’t it make you feel ALIVE?!

Any other fellow hopeful flippers out there? No? OK.