La Rosa Knows

Men You’ll Meet While Dating in Los Angeles

I’ve been in Los Angeles for three years now. And, in that time, I’ve done my fair share of dating. To add to my knowledge I’ve also taken free drinks at bars from men I had no intention of ever sleeping with… oops!

Amidst the ~~brothels~~ venues of West Hollywood, Silverlake, Los Feliz, Downtown, Beverly Hills, Venice, Santa Monica and Hollywood, I’ve encountered all of the dregs of men that Los Angeles has to offer. These men can be deceiving, as they physically appear to be healthy and fit for the duty of dating…. But don’t be fooled, ladies! These males are to be avoided AT ALL COSTS.

Awfulus Agentus (aka CAA Agent Trainee): You may notice that he’s the only one in the bar wearing a suit. He’ll introduce himself with the line, “What do you do for work?” and buy you a red wine before jumping into a gripping story of how he once met Eli Roth in an elevator.
BEWARE

The Gym Rat: He only wears sleeveless shirts. You’ll find him by the closest mirror where he’ll pretend to listen to what you’re saying while flexing his “guns” to impress himself.

“Model” who never works: Look for the under 5'10 man with little to no body contour. He’ll order shots at the bar and expect you to pay for them.

Persian “Gangsta” who lives in his parents Beverly Hills mansion: Expect to see some shaved man-cleavage, pierced ears, and sunglasses at night.

Midwest boy who thought life would be like Entourage: In what is perhaps the lamest of the male species, this particular kind will have zero sense of humor and no real personality. He’ll also have a closet full of shirts from the GAP.

Filmmaker who peaked in college: AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Unless you enjoy being talked down to by a pretentious nobody. Also, he’ll make you watch subtitled films.

Comedian/Hipster: Get ready to LOL. Except by LOL I really mean weep after spending two hours at an open mic only to listen to your beau perform 5 minutes of standup about how he can’t understand why he still gets skidmarks.
Womp womp!

Writer/Waiter: Much in the vein of the Filmmaker who Peaked in College, this fine specimen will wax on and on about his screenplay/pilot/what have you, but never be willing to show you any of his work… Know why? Because he sucks at life and writing.

Closeted Gay: Aaaah, the draw of the well coiffed man with refined tastes in musical theater. This man will douse himself in designer clothing, visit the trendiest bars, and be impossibly handsome all while deftly avoiding any physical contact.
Try as hard as you want, ladies, it ain’t gonna happen.

Nice Guy who turns out to be a Scientologist: He’ll be sooooooo sweet. He’ll buy you stuffed animals, bring you flowers, and have a star named after you. There will be compliments, OH, there will be plenty.
There will also be a tour of the Scientology center off Franklin Ave. Carry a stun gun at all times.