Sexual Fetishes I Wish Existed
There are a lot of sexual fetishes I wish I didn’t know about. For example, Plushophilia—or a sexual attraction to teddy bears. (Stay the fuck away from my teddy bear!!!)
Then there are those I wish existed, but to my knowledge do not. These are those wishes…
Enemysadism
Oh, what’s that? You’re turned on by the idea of destroying all my enemies with your beastly hands?!
That sounds like maybe the sexiest thing ever, boo.
PS- That’s a hot ass braid you got on.
Massagelinctus
I define this as the ability to only become aroused after giving me a marathon massage. Say, 5-7 hours in length wherein the only words uttered include, “Turn over” and “Is this hard enough”?
Also, those are unintentionally sexual but ripe for fetishism, no?!
Goslingphilia
What do women want? Ryan Gosling. When do we want him? Now.
Quite frankly, I’m not sure why more straight men aren’t modeling themselves after the Adonis that is the Gosling. If I were a straight dude I would have a fetish for this man that was borderline in need of a restraining order, and you know what? I’d get chicks. I’d get them ALL.
If dudes just wore similar clothing, grew facial hair and started every sentence with “Hey girl,” the world would be a much happier place.
Incidentally, if you are the man who created these “How To Look Like Ryan Gosling” videos, I applaud you and humbly request that you contact me post haste.
VacationHomesera
Maybe you’re a man who can only achieve orgasm after purchasing a destination vacation home and you want me right there with you. I don’t know!!!
All I’m saying is that while others might judge you, I wouldn’t stop you from doing this. No, boo, I’d understand your needs and encourage them. I’d help you seek out new areas of the world to pillage and mark with your sexually deviant appetite.
Call me.
Spaghetti Fetishism
Classified Ad would read:
Desperately seeking a man who finds that watching a woman eat an entire bowl of spaghetti and meatballs is stimulating.
Should agree with Sophia Loren when she said, “Everything you see I owe to pasta.”
Please reply with A/S/L.
Did I miss anything??
