La Rosa Knows

Do you hate most people? Would you rather be alone in your room than go out to a party with your friends? Do you break out in hives at the thought of hours of uninterrupted socializing?

Then you might be an introvert… LIKE ME!

Unfortunately, if this is the case, people will label you ‘Rude,’ 'Pretentious,’ and 'Un-Fun’ once you start leaving every party by 10 p.m., and never invite them over. Ever.

Luckily, I’ve developed 5 easy tools to fake being an extrovert till you make it. And by “make it” I mean find a lovely hole to crawl into and be happy forever.

1)   Tattoo a smile onto your finger, hold it up when you venture outdoors

2)   Use an excuse like, “I need to condition my eyelashes” to get out of real plans

3) Get a job that makes people uncomfortable to talk about (i.e. director of a morgue), bring up the gruesome details of said job at every social opportunity. They’ll stop inviting you out

4) When you meet a new person, ask them to tell you their life story. Nod encouragingly when they start the story, stay in place, don’t move much, and two hours later they’ll call you a 'great listener.’

5) Arrange get-togethers that require silence and dim lighting (think Cirque du Soleil, an outing to the Opera, field trips to a public library, etc.)

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• introvert
• extrovert