My Review of Snow White and the Huntsman
SPOILER ALERT: Snow White (aka Kristen Stewart) eats a poisoned apple just like in the photo above!!!
Last night I paid $15 to go see Snow White and the Huntsman.
I guess you could say my expectations were fairly high. I mean, Snow White is like, sooo hot right now! She’s in every movie and little tweens the world over are already planning their slutted up versions of the costumes for Halloween.
That being said, if there was a star system on this blog and 5 stars meant impressed to the point of getting a tattoo about it on my back whereas 1 star means that I had to take a shower to erase the memory of it…I’d give this film a 2.5.
Let me explain:
What I Liked:
-The costumes, designed by Colleen Atwood who did Edward Scissorhands and Big Fish, among others, were truly phenomenal. Really rich and textured, especially when it came to those worn by Ms. Charlize Theron.
-The best scenes happened when something was enchanted. In other words, the scene in the dark forest and the fairy underworld were my favorite. Not necessarily because the writing was great or the acting, for that matter, but it was visually interesting and enchanting. I liked seeing mushrooms with little blinking eyeballs and a branch that turned into venomous snakes. How fun!
-The 7 dwarfs. Admittedly, their entrance felt utterly bizarre and uncomfortable in that it felt a little offensive to see these little people dressed in what were essentially sprite clothing. However, those dwarfs are in the original fairytale so I soon got past the discomfort and was able to enjoy them for the comic relief and the fact that when put in a scene with the abysmal acting of K.Stew, they tended to shine.
-Charlize Theron is kind of amazing, always.
What I Disliked:
-The opening of the film felt a bit forced. It was like the filmmakers were going for a fairytale vibe and abandoned it in later drafts, but the scenes before we see Snow White all grown up were accidentally left in.
-Queen Ravenna’s creepy Children of the Corn-like brother, Finn, who was borderline incestual and very much unintentionally comical.
-The writing in general just wasn’t at all solid. I’m not even sure all of the plot made sense. How come no one addressed the fact that Snow White had been in a coma once she woke up? Was there a real love triangle at all, ever? Who does Snow White end up with in the end? Why did Snow White’s father marry Ravenna the day after he met her, couldn’t he have waited a month like a normal crazy person?
-The film was 127 minutes long but felt longer, like, really long.
-Was the character of William even needed? It felt tacked on, especially since he doesn’t do anything romantically even though he’s set up to be a love interest in the beginning.
-There seemed to be a lot of cutaways to shots of Queen Ravenna cackling to herself or looking haggard. It’s like, we get it, this bitch likes to drain pretty gals of their beauty and talk to herself in mirrors. Enough.
-I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that while Chris Hemsworth is a looker, I prefer his younger brosef, Liam Hemsworth.
-Kristen Stewart. I’m sorry, but this chick cannot act. Also? Let’s not even pretend like she’s somehow more beautiful than Charlize, that’s just not at all a thing.
Those are just my thoughts, folks, and that’s why this film only gets a 2.5 Star rating from me.
Anyone care to agree and/or disagree?
