What “Mad Men” Taught Me About My Grandma
These are the ladies of Mad Men: Joan, Peggy and Betty. They each represent the home, office and love life that was present in the 1960s.
You know what else was around during that time? My grandmother. And you know what she was doing? Working as a secretary in Manhattan.
Thanks to Matt Weiner I’ve now realized that the woman who I thought was sweet and angelic is actually quite more complex than I ever gave her credit for. Here’s what I now know:
1. I may have illegitimate Aunts and/or Uncles
Sure, I’ve got an uncle and an aunt that I know about. But what of all those illicit affairs that led to children out of wedlock?
My G-ma’s whoring around could actually be a blessing in disguise, as I’ve always dreamed that Julianne Moore and I might share the same gene pool. Auntie Julie, call me!
2. She used to be a model in Italy
I mean, my grandma was a total Betty back in the day and she married my grandfather who is 100% Eye-talian.
I don’t have the photos to prove it but yes, I come from a long lineage of Giselle-esque models.
3. She Knows What Masturbation Is
I’ve seen my grandmother do laundry, a lot of it.
As horrifying as that sounds, a la Betty Draper, she could very well know what it means to saddle up to a washing machine and rub her parts against it.
Grandma, no :(
4. Slut Tendencies
Sure, my grandma eloped with my grandpa when they were both 18-years-old and they’ve been happily married since. But if I’ve learned anything from watching the mischief at Sterling Draper Cooper Pryce, it’s that everyone in the 60s slutted it up.
Big time sluts.
5. She Could Kill Me At Any Moment
Remember when Betty snapped, grabbed a gun and shot a bunch of innocent pigeons minding their own business, all the while never dropping that damn cigarette in her mouth?
Apparently that’s what the 1960s did to our grandmothers: it made them smoke and become psychopathic, pigeon killing snipers.
6. She’s a pothead
This one really shouldn’t come as a total shock, the 60s were a “crazy” time, or whatever, and I’m sure that while my G-ma worked as a secretary in New York some party favors were passed her way.
Next time I’m home, I’ll be checking the freezer for edibles. Guard those with your life, grandma.
7. She’s had drunk sex, too
You know how the thought of our parents having sex is enough to induce night terrors?
Now think of our grandparents and their shriveled outsides having a go round like we’ve never seen.
I’ve only ever witnessed Grandma La Rosa having a sip of wine at dinner, but that’s because she apparently wanted to keep my virginal ears pure of her former life as a drunken hookah housewife.
Grandma, is there something you’d like to share?
