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That Time I Hiked in Big Bear and Tamed a Horse

You guys, did you know that bears like to be ridden, much like horsies?


I uncovered this true and little known fact while in Big Bear, California this past weekend. Home of Big Bears.

It was E’s birthday, so we decided to head north for cooler and bearier climates.

Of course, the only place to find those bear necessities—old Mother Nature’s recipes—is in the mountains.


We climbed, hiked, and E grew a tree from the top of his head right before mine eyes. (Is he a wizard?! Some sort of voodoo priest?! An elf in a bigger man’s body summoned by Santa to create Big Bear Christmas tree miracles?!)


I didn’t stick around to find out. I had bears to tame and ride off into the sunset.

But, if I’d learned anything from my time with an old Shaman at an Indian casino in Reno it was this: Every bear has its day and, when that day comes, be ready with fire and gummy bears. (The gelatinous versions of their own gooey bodies confuses bears into a state of mild hysteria, typically leading them to run head first into the nearest tree, knocking them unconscious.)


As you can see, I successfully knocked out a whole family of bears. Well, more than just knocked out. Dead is the word, actually.

But look at this lovely lawn ornament their remains were sculpted into! Now, every time I glance out the kitchen window, I’ll forever remember that weekend in Big Bear, when I discovered bears are easier to tame than horses.